That’s right. And many people put those announcements in because they wanted to get the benefits of being so-called born in this country. Many people did it. It was something that was done by many people even though they weren’t born in the country. You know and so do I. – Donald Trump ( 5-29-2012 )
After decades of deceiving and, later, of accusing the American public of being in on a vast commie-wing conspiracy, Donald Trump’s mind finally caved in.
“I just couldn’t take it any more,” said Trump. “The fear. The loathing. The looking out onto a world I’d created and realizing it was all a plastic sham, ready to be whistle-blown away like a house of cards the moment a whistle-blower blew. I thought I had killed and eaten them all myself, but I couldn’t be sure.”
It all started with a dream, Trump explained. Government death camps at the taxpayer’s expense. Shoddy housing demanding top dollar from terrorism-crazed citizenry seeking to restore America to security. Obama was going to set it all up through FEMA after Trump helped the cast aspersions on Romney by getting him to embrace a known conspiracy theorist freak: namely himself.
“And it would have worked,” said Trump, “if it weren’t for my meddling self.”
One day, Trump woke up and said something fundamental had changed.
“It wasn’t a mental breakdown or an anxiety attack,” said Trump. “I’d had thousands of those. But I had drugs, broads, and a hair stylist to quiet those sorts of disturbances. What was happening here was a complete disintegration of my ego. A kundalini awakening, if you will. I saw Obama and I saw myself and I realized we were one and the same person. In fact, I was born in Kenya, Muslim, and a socialist. Intellectually, you might know what I’m saying, but you’d have to experience it yourself to fully understand. Furthermore, I demand that my wealth be seized, nationalized, and used on infrastructure projects.”
Despite these allegations against himself, Trump has failed to produce any evidence he was in fact in on it.
Among claims that are yet to be verified by a team hired by himself, Trump stated he paid the Honolulu Star-Bulletin and the Honolulu Advertiser at the age of 14 to make his far-seeing real estate visions a reality.
(Time Traveler’s Daily is news from the future. This is the very near future. You might live to see it. Perhaps it’s time to buy that health insurance, just in case.)